Thesis (even more)

PART 3: WRITING OR REVISING A THESIS STATEMENT TO ALIGN WITH SUPPORTING ARGUMENTS
Every thesis statement has to have supporting arguments, usually three to five of them. You can think of the main ideas in supporting arguments as mini-thesis statements. Consider, for example, the following:
THESIS STATEMENT
• The cafeteria management is doing a good job.
Without supporting arguments, the statement above is simply an opinion. It is also an opinion even with supporting arguments, but it is an opinion with an argument that supports it.
SUPPORTING ARGUMENTS

·       Cafeteria hours accommodate every student’s schedule.

·       The cafeteria offers a variety of main courses at each meal.

·       The cafeteria serves plenty of food that is both healthy and tasty.

·       The cafeteria has been citation free for over two years.

The four statements above offer evidence that cafeteria management is doing a good job. If this were a thesis statement for an assignment, the bulk of the paper would provide evidence for the four supporting arguments. For example, one paragraph might “prove” the cafeteria is open to accommodate every student’s schedule by including the earliest times that students need in the cafeteria, the latest times, and the fact that the cafeteria is open during those times.

Occasionally, students have thought so much about the rights or wrongs of an issue that they write (or at least develop in their minds) closely related supporting arguments before they write a precise thesis statement. For instance, a student might have strong feelings about the imperfections of higher education. Having thought about those imperfections a great deal, he or she might have well reasoned criticisms but lack a thesis. His or her criticisms might be:

·       Far too much writing is required in college.

·       A college degree takes too long to earn.

·       Students should not be required to take so many general education

courses.

There is nothing wrong with writing a paper from this approach; that is, writing a thesis statement after you have developed supporting arguments. However, the thesis statement must logically align with all supporting arguments. A thesis statement that “covers” the supporting arguments above might read:

• Reform in higher education should start with some of the most common practices and assumptions.
Other times, students are passionate about a thesis statement and know exactly what they want their supporting arguments to be. They write feverishly and develop their supporting arguments well. Somewhere in the writing process, however, they wander slightly from the thesis statement. Perhaps one or two supporting arguments align well with the thesis statement, but another one goes in a different direction.
Consider the student who believes that cheating in baseball is worse than it is in other sports. His thesis statement reads:
While cheating has become epidemic in most sports, the win-at-all-costs mentality is even more extreme in baseball because baseball players often risk injury to themselves—not just opposing players—so they or their teams can have an advantage.
After reading the student’s thesis statement, the instructor is intrigued. This could be a fairly original argument.
The instructor reads on and is satisfied with the first supporting argument, which is that
batters sometimes intentionally lean in to fastballs so they will be hit by a pitch and consequently be awarded first base. This argument certainly supports the idea that baseball players will risk injury to cheat.
The student’s second argument also makes sense. He explains how base runners risk personal injury when they disregard the rule of sliding straight into a base so they can “take out” a fielder trying to make a play.
While the paper so far is not God’s gift to literature, the instructor is happy that the student has made an original argument and has logically supported his thesis with two supporting points.
Then the instructor reads the third supporting point:
Baseball players also take health risks when they use steroids.
While this statement is certainly true, it does not connect logically to the student’s thesis. Remember, the student is arguing that cheating is worse in baseball. Do you see the alignment problem? Steroid abuse is not a problem that is exclusive to baseball. Since steroids are used by athletes in other sports as well, the student’s third supporting argument actually weakens his overall argument.
The student had a slight glitch in his thought process. He was excited about having a good thesis, and he ran with his idea because the first two supporting arguments came to his mind right away. Unfortunately for the student, the instructor required three supporting arguments for the assignment, and the third did not come as easily. To be sure, it is closely related to the first two, but it is not logical evidence for the thesis the student has written. Consequently, the student is docked a few points because of his third supporting argument.
College writers often make mistakes like the one described above. Luckily, they need not be docked points, for a simple solution is usually only a short revision away. In the example above, the student could have earned a better grade by keeping the same supporting arguments (and probably adding one) and simply revising his thesis statement. Instead of using the thesis statement
While cheating has become epidemic in most sports, the win-at-all-costs mentality is even more extreme in baseball because baseball players often risk injury to themselves—not just opposing players—to give themselves or their teams an advantage,
the student could have revised his thesis to read:
The win-at-all-costs mentality is so pervasive in sports that athletes often risk injury to themselves—not just opposing players—so they or their teams can have an advantage.

With the revised thesis statement, all of the supporting arguments make sense. Of course, the student would want to add a supporting argument or two that revolves around other sports, since the thesis has been revised to address all athletics. The point is that it often takes only a little thought and a little revision to make sure that thesis statements and supporting arguments logically align.